Monday, November 19, 2012

To The Max

Oh, hey there Internet.  I'm making an appearance again.  Thought I'd drop in and get comfortable for a little while.  I've been feeling worked to the max -- between my actual job, school, doing extra babysitting, the holidays, family and leading a team to India.  My mind is at full capacity.  It's times like this when I feel overwhelmed by more things than normal and I find a depletion of the joy in my heart.  Because I tend to look at the big picture of things and want to get to the big finale, I feel the sufficance and heaviness and being purposefully in everything.  It's a lot for tiny little me.  Then the stress just seems to spiral and I end up not being able to be as successful in any of it.  But, I am thankful because tonight I feel like after hitting a (metaphoric) wall this late morning and afternoon I did some praying and leaning on God.  And it feels like prayers have been answered.  I feel like things are lighter, joyful and hopeful (even though these things were never hopeless, I've just been stressed).  I've decided that instead of going to other means to find my strength, peace, comfort and joy, I am going to continue to lean on God, pray through things, and also write.  Not find comfort in doing more, looking inward or doing such things as eating more.  I feel better already, and feel like I am mentally focused and able to study for the test I have tomorrow.  (What, are you surprised I have a test tomorrow? It'll be my 2nd one in 5 days...there is work to be done and tests to kick butt on.  No rest for me right now.)

Sunday, November 4, 2012

The time I was Lance Armstrong

I have felt like writing lately.  It's quite therapeutic if you ask me.  And it is a way for me to get my thoughts into a coherent stream. There is just something about putting the thought onto the proverbial paper.  Also, I want to be vulnerable, transparent & share.
To be honest, I'm overwhelmed with joy, gratitude, God's love and faithfulness.  I'm not an emotional person, but it's made me feel emotional lately.  One reason is that I have waited for God's timing to go back to India.  You probably know this if you have been around my blog form a while, or know me at all.  Haha.  Anyway, I am going back in March.  It has been a true dream the past few months and weeks as to who God has orchestrated to be apart of the team that I am going with.  I am amazed at how God is faithful and answers prayers.  Down to even the specialties of the individuals who are applying to be on the team being diverse (as the other leader & I have been praying for)
and their vision.
Another thing is how well school is going.  Despite having the setback of not getting into the last pre-req that I need for nursing school this semester, I am doing well in the one pre-req I am taking this semester.  It makes me believe even more that God knows what he is doing, because it would haven probably been too much to take multiple upper division chemistry/biology classes while working full time.  (Like maybe on the verge of insanity.). Because this class is requiring a lot.

Lastly. I have gotten some good news about my health.  As a completely elective and voluntary measure, I did a stress echocardiogram about two weeks ago.  Which was an experience that I could dedicate a whole blog post to.  Try running on a treadmill with a hospital gown on (aka, with no bra) hooked up to electrodes and headgear with an oxygen mask. Then they increase speed and incline every three minutes.  Anyway, the results came out outstanding.  My aorta functions perfectly normal even thought it is enlarged.  And during exercise (the "stress" part) showed that I am getting above normal amounts of oxygen.  I thought, "I guess my exercising is paying off".  When I saw my cardiologist, he was so enthusiastic and happy about the results.  He even went as far to say I was his "Lance Armstrong".  My thoughts were, "Well, not exactly".  Haha.  What this means is that not only are there few concerns about my aorta enlarged, and is very managed.  But also, if I (and the man that I marry one day) ever wanted to carry a baby, I actually could.  I would not be at any risks.  It took me some time afterwards, but HELLO answered prayer!  There have been people praying for my heart for over a year now.  Specifically for healing.  If this isn't an answered prayer, I don't know what is.

Isn't God just so good!  I mean, beyond measure.  And if it's not too much to ask, could you be comtinuing to pray for me?  For the India trip(included the planning of it all, and that God would work all the planning out) and for school too (because the lab part of my class is a point of frustration for me)!

Thank you for reading, listening, praying and being apart of all this. I'd love to hear from you, so go ahead and leave a comment!  I'd love to pray for you too!

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Honest Ramblings of the Heart

I'm dusting off this 'ole bloggity blog.  Haven't had time to write lately.  Also, I have teetered between having writers block and having a lot to write about and not knowing where to start.  It seems like a lot has happened.  And at the same time, things in my life are mostly the same.  I know, this is all very vague thinking and writing.  I'll get down to what I have in mind to write about.

I feel the human heart/soul is almost a mysterious thing.  I am almost 26, and I feel like I am just beginning to even realize this.  What has prompted me to write this is how my heart has been dealing with family stuff that has happened a little more than a year ago (and is still going on).  When it first happened, I was in shock.  At the same time, I felt strong and close in relationship with the Father.  He definitely has carried me through it.  But now, I feel like my heart is being impacted by the hurt even more.  Like the dust has settled and the mess is a little more obvious.  It is feeling vulnerable and not as strong.  The short of it is that it has left me feeling a bit lonely, short fused, unable to handle other hardships to the best of my ability, dwelling on the worst parts of people, and also defensive.  Defensive in the sense that I feel as if I have some good people in my life who are a huge support l, but I feel that many others I care about have been a bit ambivalent and that makes me feel as if they don't exactly care.  It's like going into battle already wounded. It doesn't feel this way all the time, but it happens and it doesn't feel good.  And my reaction is to not share and to become a bit reclusive.  This is not good, because being a student while working full time already means that I am a reclusive a lot of the time. Haha.  And then I get into a funk where all I can react to is how I am feeling, when I full well know that that the very person who I have decided doesn't care has got their own pile of crud going on too.  An example of this is how in a marriage, a husband and wife can have their own stressors individually, and instead of coming together and relying on each other for support they become less available and check out.  This is one thing I am passionate to fight against!  I want honestly and unity in all important relationships and especially within the Church.  Anyway, I know that darkness is overrun by the Light.  And I am praying even more intently for light to shine through.  In the meantime, remember that the person you are dealing with who seems like they are having a hard time or may not seem themselves needs some grace.  Or if your friend is going through a tough time, just be there for them to talk when they are ready or can actually but words to what is going on--but mostly just be threre.  Plan a night out with your friend, take them to do something life giving.  I'm going to try to remember that too, and hopefully it will help the light continue to shine in my heart.

"Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossians 3:13-15 NLT

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I'm baaaaack

Seven and a half months is a perfect amount of time in between blog posts, right?  Even the website I use to publish posts has changed dramatically.  This is the part where I am suppose to say how busy I've been and how hectic life is.  And yes, it is.  But I'm also really trying to narrow things down to what really matters and is important to me.  I love writing, but I've really focused even more on school. And believe it or not, it's paid off!  I've been getting my prerequisites done & doing well in them!  I'm focusing even more on the important relationships in my life.  Also, I'm focusing on really talking to God everyday, praying to Him, putting my faith in Him and trying to listen to His daily.  It's definitely not easy.  It's like exercising or doing a have to practice and stretch your muscles.

Two God size things are happening in my life.  They're big praise reports!  First, I am making plans to go back to India!!!  Oh, how I've missed India & Harvest India so much.  I've been working a lot with the medical missions team at my church, and they are all in with the idea of taking the first medical team for our church to India.  It will also be the first medical trip Harvest India has ever had visit.  We are in the stages of planning the parts of the trip and deciding who would be best fit to be on the team.  So big and exciting though, because I've been waiting on this for two years and it seems that God would have this trip happen in the near future.

The second exciting thing going on has to do with school.  I'm so close to being completely finished with the prerequisites for the Entry Level Masters of Science in Nursing program.  So close in fact, that I decided to apply to take a combined Organic Chemistry and Biochemistry class at the graduate school I want to get into so that I could finish at the end of the Fall semester.  That way I would be able to have all my requirements done to apply for the 2013 grad program (and hopefully get in)!  It's been sort of a rollercoaster of events because I knew that I didn't have many more classes to take, but I was under the impression that I have more time.  That however isn't the case if I want to apply to start graduate school as soon as possible.  And about two weeks ago, I was attending an informational meeting for the program and got this big "oh crap, I gotta be moving even faster!" kick in the butt.  So, if y'all could be praying for these things.  And I'll definitely come back and give you an update in a week and a half or two to let you know how the nursing school acceptance is going!