Monday, August 26, 2013

In which I become the "How to loose a guy in 10 days" girl

Despite my lack of free time lately, I decided to sign up for online dating (again) a few months ago.  At first it was sslloowww.  Then, it started to pick up.  I even was matched with a surgeon who approached me!  (say what?!).  We talked and text consistently for a week.  Things seemed to be going well.  I noticed that after about our second conversation, by heart got really hopeful and in a state of dreaming that this could be a guy I maybe, possibly, potentially, slightly have a chance at dating seriously.  But then another week went by and he hadn't asked to meet me in person.  Not even for coffee.  I knew that inside of me, I did not want a technology based relationship.  Any person could seem great through the filter of typed words.  But I need to interact with someone in person.  I then got some advice to start directing our conversations by asking questions about why this surgeon decided to try online dating, his past experiences, etc. to see where the conversation went; because I didn't know where he "was at" with his own dating journey or what he was feeling about our communication.  I figured it would be a way to find out, and if he wanted to ask to meet me in person then this would be is opportunity.  Needless to say, we haven't talked in over a week since then.  I may have sort of scared him off a wee bit by being simply being slightly direct.  It felt just a teeny bit like I was that girl in the movies who dates someone for two weeks and then doesn't hear from the guy and she calls her friends saying that they had such a connection, that she loved him and they were going to live happily ever after.  Not that I went that far, but it was not difficult to get hopeful, start to wonder if things could go anywhere and also make the assumption that the reciprocating party feels the exact same way you do.  It's a lesson to keep a reality check, and to communicate well with others.  And also to guard yourself in constructive ways.  You are not bound to a person if you don't have their ring on your finger, nor are they bound to you.  (Insert a "check yourself before you wreck yourself" here.)  And conversations need to take place (appropriate to match where your relationship is...even if it's on an acquaintance level) in order to make sure expectations are aligned...even if it's a "hey, I think that I may be beginning to think of you more than just a friend".  If the guy goes running for the hills, he's definitely not ready.  You have to release it.  But, I did feel good about being truthful with myself and realizing where I desire to be in a relationship.

Oh, the life of a single woman  ;)

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Grad's not for the faint of heart

I am not going to lie...the previous week was a bit heavy.  The week before that was as well because at the same time I was dealing with scheduling an appointment to see my cardiologist because of a concern, I also found out that the three (YES, THREE!) community colleges that I enrolled in classes for summer school and worked my butt off in the past two months just so I could get a good registration for the Fall semester didn't offer my last pre-requisite that I needed in the evening this Fall.  *Insert a sucker punch here*.  Then, I went to my "Plan B" and double checked to make sure California Baptist still offered the online lecture and weekend lab class for said pre-requisite.  They had just taken away that Fall class two weeks prior because they didn't have enough teachers.  **Insert a fierce left hook ** So I am now going to Plan C, which involves taking this last class I need at a private school for health science.  It's a class that is on Saturday & Sunday from 8:30am-6:30pm for eight weeks straight...and it's about 35 minutes away from my house.  It's okay y'all.  I've made my peace with it, realizing that no matter which class I take it's going to be a sacrifice.  The End.  It is all working out and will even be beneficial to take the class right before I have a nursing school entrance test to take while the material from the class is still fresh in my mind.

Anyway, I had my cardiologist appointment.  I decided to do research and find a doctor who is a lot closer to me.  Turns out, I like her even more than my UCLA doctor (ssshh, don't tell my previous cardiologist) and she works alongside that doctor one week out of each month.  It really is the best situation.  And after getting an echocardiogram, she thought that there weren't any concerns with my aorta enlarging.  Praise God!

My mind was spinning during all of this, and after.  I went into going to church this past Sunday still having a lot on my mind and feeling the impact of all this.  And after getting the hits regarding school, I was really feeling discouraged and questioning a lot.  I was talking with God, and I knew that I needed prayer to get out of my own head but couldn't do it by myself.  I decided to take a leap of faith and get prayer from the prayer team at church for someone walk alongside me with this.  Two women prayed for me and were used by God to speak to me.  It was just what I needed.  They spoke peace, reassurance and I didn't even have to tell them much of anything about what was going on.  They even had a vision of me just having fresh air breathing into my lungs.  Then, this week has been amazing with making so much progress with applying to graduate school.  It felt so very good and like such a breakthrough!

All of this to say, I felt the power of prayer.  And I was wondering if you guys would continue to be in prayer for me and with me during this time of being challenged, really having to depend on God and rise to the occasion.  In the next three months I am needing to: take this pre-requisite class, take the GRE, take the TEAS test and apply to FIVE GRADUATE SCHOOLS!  Yeah, I think it's an understatement to say that I have a lot going on.  But I know that if I ask God everyday, He will be with me alongside this and guide me along the way.  I would love and adore your support.  Would you be willing to partner in prayer with me during this?


Sunday, July 28, 2013

More updates

Thank you all for your prayers.  My doctors don't think that my aorta has enlarged as much as they previously thought, but I am actually going to get an echocardiogram this week to be sure.  If you could be praying for that, I'd really appreciate it!  I know that God is big, miraculous and supernatural.  It is such a desire of my heart (no pun intended...kinda, haha) for a miracle to happen even this week where it would shrink.  My faith may only be a mustard seed, but it is there.  And I believe.  I want my God to show doctors and myself how big He is.
 Another prayer request that I have, if it's not too much to ask, is about school.  I've hit some roadblocks that are making things a little more difficult.  Thankfully though, they are not deterring me from actually applying to grad school at the end of the year.  It feels tough though.  I won't felt like a blow.  But not one that knocked me down for long.  My prayer would just be guidance from the Father and direction from Him.  And that He would be first, not my own plans.

Well, I will give you another update after my tests on Thursday!  I pray you all have a blessed week.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

2 Years Later: Then & Now

2 years ago this week, my life was kind of rocked.  Two huge events happened in one of them was finding out my aorta was enlarged at a Turner Syndrome conference.  I went to the same annual TS conference this weekend.  And I received another echocardiogram from the same cardiologist.  It looks like I have to go in for some more testing because my aorta may have gotten even more dialated.  The echo I had this weekend was a great marker, but I may need to get another MRI. I am working with my cardiologist at UCLA and the Dr. who did the echo at the conference to determine all of this.  And I am so grateful for the Turner Syndrome society for putting the conference on to make women with TS more aware of concerns and help them by bringing in the most knowledgeable medical professionals and up to date information. I am beyond blessed to have this preventative care before something significant happened with my health, and I can monitor it.  If you could all be in prayer about the comparisons of the measurements that the doctors are looking at and the wisdom and ability to see if there are any more concerns.

Well, on a more lively note, the conference wasa a huge blast!  So much insight and useful information.  So much fun spending time with women I have an immediate bond with and understanding of.  We even danced the night away after attending sessions all day.  The Turnee Syndrome Society of the US is really doing a wonderful job helping others, creating connections and networks, and creating a great support group.

Thanks for reading, and I will be trying to post more regularly & keep an update about my heart too.  Peace & love

Saturday, June 1, 2013

I am Squidward

Life has seemed to have a good amount of challenges lately.  In a way that is a bit of a sucker punch to the gut.  If I am honest, it's been a difficult two years with moments of less chaos and mess than others.  Things for be directly have been good in terms of work and school.  There are a lot of relational challenges happening right now. But I'm seeing God working through them and having his hand and it all for a long time. One of them being my family.  After a whirlwind two years behaviors and dynamic have gotten wonky.  My eyes have now been opened to the ways in which I have been seen like Squidward on Spongebob to the rest of my family. There...I said it!  Or, I can also be liked to Joan Cusak's character in the movie "Raising Helen".  You know the one I'm talking about...the sister who is the epitemy of a mom and loves flowers, potpourri and knitting.  But she can put kids in line with just a look.  Not that how I am made is bad, but these relationships have gotten too much into a funk.

He is also convicting me in so many aspects of my faith.  And I sense this huge stirring in me.  I know it's a work of the Holy Spirit because I can't even explain it.  I will just be super convicted of thing, or start to tear up about a certain matter -- like at this amazing conference with the Spirit filled Jen Hatmaker (  If you could be keeping all that in prayer as long as well as school. I'm taking summer school classes and in upping the ante with the schools I'm considering applying for it by the end of year and really doing my part and keeping my heart and options open.

On a lighter note, I am trying to incorporate more fun into my life.  And I definitely got to this week with one of the dearest, truest, funniest, real and beautiful friend and sister in Christ, Jen.  I went with her and her husband to their first Fiction Family concerts.  It was a blast to spend the day with Jen in San Diego and then go to the concert.

Happy weekend y'all!

Monday, May 20, 2013


I'm needing to go to bed, so I can't write very much.  However, this has been a tough week or so for me, in significant ways.  And tonight was also a bit tough.  Will explain more later.  Praying for some good rest.

Friday, May 10, 2013


Lately, I have been more aware of how I am feeling.  It's a good thing.  Could also be due to being tired and maybe that isn't so great.  In the last few weeks, I have been feeling kind of alone, and at times lonely.  My heart longs for community and relationship, but it feels lacking.  That is why I say I feel alone, because everyone I know is so busy and living their own life and it's enable connections to be formed.  It's difficult and a let down to want to go deeper and just spend more quality time with someone, but it doesn't happen.  Not to say this isn't happening at all, but it's either few and far between or with far away friends where I don't have the ability to spend time with them in person.  However, I am asking God to search my heart in all this and I am drawing closer to Him.  And speaking the truth His promises real in my own heart and mind.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

A late night post: Focusing on what is present & what is good

Lately, I have been in a very interesting spot.  I am feeling more & more convicted about certain things that God is working on in my life.  And I have also felt this sense lately to write.  Instead of blogging to do so, I have been journaling.  Seems to be a way to seek God more intentionally and go deeper into matters of my heart.

I've been in a funny spot too where I really have a longing for community...along with having a good amount more free time in my schedule.  To be honest, it is definite not very easy.  Disappointing in fact.  I've made attempts to connect with people I care about, all with unmet promises.  However, there are people that reciprocate the desire to connect and maintain a friendship.  And I choose to focus in those.  I have been able to have a good conversation with a wise person in my life who has given me some great advice about seeking community.  It will mean being open and vulnerable; it is always times where you are stretched, have to go outside of your own abilities and step out in faith where God can really be at work and do something quite beautiful and change things around in ways you just couldn't plan on your own :-)