I'm studying right now since finals are this week, but I felt the need to take a break and write. I'm actually having a bit of a tough day emotionally. If you couldn't tell from previous postings, there is family stuff going on right now. In the midst of that I'm trying to work on myself, learn from what's going on, mature and process. I've been going to a counselor to do these things, and it's been absolutely wonderful. I also have a mentor who is such an amazing example to me, and we connect on many levels (including family issues similar to what is going on for me right now). However, I think that why I'm having a difficult day is because there are times when I digress and instead of marking myself as an adult within my family dynamics with a particular person, I get a little wrapped up in a moment where I act instinctively with what I've known in the past, as oppose to what I want to be. And, it actually really frustrates me. I am learning that I actually have a slower emotional response time, so I can't act too quickly. Also, because this breaking down of a part of my life is simply hard. It's crappy. Period. And I am learning how to forgive and let healing happen, but darn it, it's not easy. And my humanness gets in the way. And I just want to shout, "this other person isn't changing and is making it really difficult and there are a thousand reasons why I could be hurt and of course I just want to protect myself!!!!"
I am at a little less frustrated point, because it is a little less frustrating to know why you are frustrated. Haha, if that makes any sense. But, if you could be praying for healing for me and my whole family. And in the immediate timeframe, prayer for quality studying, with lots of absorption of material and focus. xoxo