Saturday, April 11, 2009
Feeling the love
Today, I got a call from my pop-pop (my grandpa) and it made me think of how loved I am. He's such a funny guy and he shows he cares...I am grateful for him. It also made me think of all the ways that I'm loved...like how Lauren invites me to her house and cooks for me and makes me a scrumptious dessert (see picture---just the benefits of having a friend who graduated from the Culinary Institute of America). And the people I babysit for showing me they care by stopping everything when I have car problems and helping me, and my family showing me their love. And especially this weekend, I am reminded of the agape love that my Heavenly Father has for me and all of his creation that He sacrificed His only Son for me. I attended a Good Friday service yesterday where artists from Rockharbor painted Jesus' nail-pierced feet with people's hands praying, or pointing at Jesus or gesturing mean towards him; and a dancer performed a solo on stage where she acted out Jesus being beaten and carrying his cross and dying. I was struck by all this, as I remember I was struck on Good Friday last year too. It's like a dear friend of mine is being hurt and it makes me feel emotional (which is not exactly characteristic of me--I'm not a crier). The cross, the sacrafice, and all that it means is something that I think about often and is important to me. Then again, it's been an emotional and kind of off week for me (arguments with people that I haven't argued with in a long time, and didn't see coming at all...things that normally wouldn't bug me have gotten to me). But yesterday I realized that I've definitely been very stressed lately (even for me, which says something). And a lot of it is pressure that I've put on myself and expectations of/for myself (mainly having to do with school). And God doesn't want me to feel that way, and it means that I'm not trusting Him and truly believing that even if things don't work out right now it doesn't mean that it's all ruined; and I am not characterized by the things that I desire, or any accomplishments I do no matter how well intentioned they are. So, every time that I start to feel that anxiety, and my mind starts thinking about how a test or even a single answer on a test is going to make or break me I am going to breath, and focus on the Father, and ask Him to remind me who I am in Him. It's refreshing, and progress for me! Well, I hope that you all have an amazing Easter (or as someone told me, Resurrection Day)! Thank you for the cross my friend.